Religion, Believe Systems and Egoism

Bezalel and the Ark Of The Covenent he built, Exlibris von Boris Schatz (Ephraim Moses Lilien) via Wikipedia (E. M. Lilien, - Bezalel – Wikipedia), context at the very end of the blog entry

How we use our religion and G*d in egostic ways

Religious people we often believe that if we pray enough we will get what we want when it's the right time, at least this is how many Jews I know, including me for some time, think it works. One might also use their believe-system to "help" people who are grieving or to explain the world, when it's bad, and while the idea itself might be coming from a good place of heart, it's usually one of the worst things to say and do in my opinion. Raise your hand if you ever had a bad day and thought to yourself: "What did I do wrong to derserve all this?". Your bus ran late, you didn't make it to you school or job in time, you hit your little toe against something, you stepped into poo or you dropped your favourite food on the ground. If you already had a bad day, this might lead to an even worse mood and you might even go so far as to wonder why G*d did this to you. Sounds a little bit dramatic, but let's be honest, sometimes we all are a little dramatic. For a long time I tried to make sense off of these moments: Maybe it was because I swore to much, maybe because I wasn't good enough of a child or maybe G*d just hates me. It wasn't until I heard the amazing quote from Rabbi Rebecca in the Movie You are so not invited to my Bat Mitzvah: "G*d is random". While we sometimes can understand why stuff happens to us, we usually can't and maybe we shouldn't. Let me give an example: You want to participate in a marathon, you train hard, every day and you pray to G*d: "Let me get first place!". The day of the marathon arives, you run as good as you can, and you make it to the Top 3! Amazing job! You made second place! But you are not happy. You almost made first place, and just due to a cramp or a short step you fell behind one or two seconds and did not finish first. You start to question why that happened, you did all you could and asked G*d for help, but appearently it wasn't enough or what ever, and that's why you did not win. Now you start to question G*d. Why do all this and trust HaShem, when you do not win anyways. Here are some possible answers, that help me in such a situation: Because it was not about me. I did all I could, but so did everyone else. The Person who made first place might needed this win even more then you did, maybe this leads to them getting the necessary push to try reach even higher in their job, privte life or studies. Maybe they tried for first place year after year after year and finally they made it. Maybe you getting second place lights an angry fire that makes you reach new hights or stop running and trying new things, that work even better for you, stuff that is actually what you should do. Or maybe it is, after all, just random. I think the problem I have with many religous people today, especially online, is how they think G*ds plan is just about them. I got an importnant news flash: None of us and all of us are the main character. This sounds a bit weird, but it's true. In my live, I am the main character, but in yours you are. Now we might try for the same job and you get it, while I have to find something else. Maybe you are in fact just better suited for this job, maybe you need it more then I do, maybe I should try something else or my time will come later. In all cases I have to accept the fact, that in G*ds plan it was you who needed this job first. Maybe you quit after a few weeks, because the job actually sucks and in the mean time I found something else, that sounded worse but was better. Who knows. But sometimes it's also just not ment to be. Sometimes you want something so badly but can't get it, and you don't see why. Maybe you want to be in a relationship with someone who seems so perfect, but it just won't happen, or you really want to try out a new doughnut store, but they are always sold out when you are there. I heard many people complain how they "prayed so hard and didn't get it" and then they are frustrade in their believes and G*d. We have to accepte the fact that we will not have everything in our lifetime and won't be able to experience all the cool things life has to offer. That's part of being human. And if the only reason you pray and believe is because you want something, maybe reconsider. Now onto a heaver topic: Illnes and grieve. If you do not want to read about it, skip the following part There is nothing I hate as much as people trying to explain someone elses pain with religion. No, G*d does not want to make someone suffer because they are a bad person, no praying will not heal the cancer away. Prayer is to sooth and meditate, to talk with G*d, but people need medicine, that's why G*d gave it to us by giving smart people important ideas for medical treatment. We are not in Gan Eden anymore. Illnesses are real and need to be treated. Same goes for people who are grieving. The people who experienced a loss need a shoulder to lean on, and let their emotions out. Let them cry and be angry, let them question life and G*d Himself, it's part of being human and important for healing the soul. I hated it when ever someone was like "Oh, well at least your Mom doesn't have to suffer anymore" or "At least your Grandpa died quickly and didn't have to endure long period of pain." Shut up. This is not helping the Grieving Person nor the person who passed. This is just for the person who makes such claims, because they don't want the Griever to be too emotional for too long. When we are grieving we don't need logic or explenations. While believing, community and prayer can help, as it did or me, this has to be done in the Grievers paste. Don't ever try to explain G*ds plan to someone who is truly hurt and in pain. Same also goes for people who are sick. Be there for them, let them cry if they want to and let them be an emotional mess. We humans are frail, inside and out, in cases of emergency like illness or loss we need to be able to rely on others and their help. To lighten up the mood a little bit again, let's finish with the "It will happen in G*ds divine timing". While yes, this is true to some extend in my humble opinion, this does not mean: Sit around and do nothing. G*d made us in His divine image and gave us a Soul and Mind, He gave us different abilities and ideas. He gave us a whole world to explore and things to try. So instead of wasting your time and wait until "divine timing" happens, for what ever thing or person you are wating for, seek adventure. Try our stuff and make memories. When G*d gave Bezalel and Oholiab the ideas and plans for the Tabernacle, including the Ark of the Covenant, He also gave them the gift of creativity, and let them use it as they saw fit. This means that creativity and trying out stuff is just as G*d given as timing. So maybe G*ds plan is us trying out being creative and also making mistakes. Maybe the Plan is not a linear thing with only good things, but also things that make no sense or even hurtfull things. Instead of trying to figure everything out and trying to understand it all, and trying to make other people do the same, we should live our life as it come. Let emotions happen, maybe learn to regulate them, if necessery, let bad stuff be bad stuff and accept it. And believe because you want to believe, not because you want something out of it.